Yom Kippur

I'm aware I am a day late to be talking about Yom Kippur, this is more of a reflection.
So I am sitting in shul on Kol Nidrei, and just couldn't be bothered. Which is wierd because I was looking forward to Yom Kippur, I always do. But this year the early mornings, the mess my schedule had become trying to fit in an ealry night to accomodate those early mornings, had both taken their toll. And I just couldn't be bothered.
Then the rabbi spoke, he isn't the best orator but is a massive scholar, a tremendous fountain of knowledge and he mentioned how teshuva is a gift. That was not the focus of his talk but merely an aside. That got me thinking, I had been getting up before the crack of dawn for a long time, I was shattered but there was a point to it, i was able to claim a free gift. People will do crazy things, like queue up for hours to get a free gift, the nicer the gift, the longer the queue, and there I was, I was going to let a month of introspection and working on myself amount to nothing because i was tired. Its wierd, when i decided i was going to put more effort into it this year than i had done in the past, time FLEW, before i knew it i was at the gates, Neilah was upon us, and it was as amazing as it always is for me.
And now this morning, with the extra half hour i allowed myself in bed, its a shame. we no longer have the free gift of teshuva, The King is no longer in the field, our tephillot have to have the extra effort to get through, we dont have the V.I.P. passes any longer. and now its a fight, to keep that inspiration going, to make sure our new resolutions keep, through succot and the long winter ahead.